Personal-Development

Most people’s thoughts about themselves fluctuate daily based on their everyday experiences. How your friends treat you, how well you have done at something, changes in your romantic relationship can all have a temporary impact on your well-being.

Your self-esteem, however, is something more fundamental than the normal “ups and downs” of everyday life. If someone has healthy self esteem normal “ups and downs” may lead to temporary fluctuations in how they feel about themselves but only to a limited extent. For someone who has poor self-esteem these “ups and downs” can make all the difference in the world.

Where does our self esteem come from?

Self-esteem is largely developed during our childhood. It evolves throughout our lives as we build an image of ourselves through our experiences with different people and activities. When we are growing up, our successes and failures and how we are treated by our immediate family, teachers and our peers all contribute to the creation of our self-esteem. For example experiences in childhood that lead to healthy self-esteem include:

• Being praised
• Being listened to
• Being spoken to with respect
• Having trustworthy friends
• Experiencing success in school

Experiences that lead to low self-esteem include:

• Being badly criticized
• Being shouted at
• Being ridiculed, teased or ignored
• Experiencing failure in school
• Being expected to be “perfect” all the time

What does your “inner voice” say?

Everything we have experienced in the past is still alive inside us in the form of an “inner voice”. We don’t often “hear” this voice in the same way we would a spoken one but it acts in a similar way, constantly repeating those original messages to us.

For people with healthy self-esteem our inner voice reassures us and sends positive messages. For people with low self-esteem the inner voice becomes a harsh critic constantly criticizing and belittling their accomplishments.

The three “characters” of low self-esteem

Most of us have an image of what someone with low self-esteem looks like but it is not always obvious. Below are 3 examples of types of people who suffer from low self-esteem:

1. The Impostor – this person always acts happy and successful but is actually terrified of failing. They need continuous success to maintain their mask of positive self-esteem and this can lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, competition and ultimately burn-out.

2. The Rebel – this person acts as if the opinions of others – especially important or powerful people – don’t matter. They always need to prove that other’s criticisms or judgements don’t hurt and they carry around a lot of anger about not feeling “good enough”. This can lead to problems like blaming others all the time, breaking the law or rules or fighting against authority.

3. The Loser – this person is unable to cope with the world and they wait for someone to come to the rescue. They tend to use self-pity or indifference as a shield against fear of taking responsibility for changing their life. This can lead to problems such as under-achievement, excessive reliance on others in relationships or lacking any assertiveness skills.

Consequences of low self-esteem

• It can create anxiety, stress, loneliness and increased chances of developing depression
• It can cause problems with relationships and friendships
• It can seriously impair job and academic performance
• It can lead to underachievement and an increased vulnerability to alcohol or drug abuse

How to improve your self-esteem

Before you can even attempt to improve your self-esteem you must first believe that you can change it and also you must need to want to change it. Change doesn’t happen overnight and is not always easy but it can happen! Once you have accepted that you have the power to do something there are 3 steps you can take to begin to change your self-esteem.

1. Challenge the inner critic - here are typical examples of the inner critic’s voice and how you can challenge what it is saying:

Inner critic: Unfairly harsh – “People said they liked what I did but it was nowhere as good as it should have been. I can’t believe no-one noticed all the mistakes I made” Challenge: Be reassuring – “They really liked it. Maybe it wasn’t perfect but I did a good job. I am proud of myself. This was a success”

Generalising unrealistically – “I got a really low mark in this test. I am such an idiot, I don’t understand anything. I shouldn’t be doing this course” Be specific – “I didn’t do as well on this test but I have done ok on the others. There are some things I don’t understand yet but I have done well in other classes that were just as tough as this”

Makes leaps of illogic – “He is frowning at me. He hasn’t said anything but I know it means he doesn’t like me” Think it through logically – “Ok, he’s frowning but it may have nothing to do with me, he could have something worrying him – maybe I should ask him?”

Turning everything into a catastrophe – “She turned me down for a date. I’ll never find a partner. I’ll always be alone” Be objective – “That was a bit embarrassing. Still, I know I’m a nice and attractive person. I’ll find someone else”

It sounds so simple doesn’t it? But you would be surprised at how many people find it difficult to challenge their inner critic! With practice it can be done….

2. Look after and value yourself – you are a deserving and competent person who deserves the best out of life. If you introduce the following tips into your life you will feel a lot better about yourself:

• Get enough sleep, eat healthily, take regular exercise, practice good hygiene
• Go to the cinema, take a nap, have a massage, adopt a pet, spend some time in the garden – DO WHAT YOU ENJOY
• Spend time with positive friends, compliment yourself for achieving something, buy yourself something
• Remind yourself of your strengths/achievements, keep a list of all the things you like about yourself, keep mementos of things you have achieved where you can see them, keep a “success” file of any certificates/awards etc you have and refer to it on a regular basis
• If you make a mistake, just forgive yourself and move on. None of us are perfect!
• “Fake it” until you can “make it” – when you continue to treat yourself well you will feel better about yourself even if initially you don’t believe you deserve it.

3. Get help from others - this is not always easy for people with low self-esteem as they feel they don’t deserve help. However, since low self-esteem is often caused by how others have treated you in the past, you may need the help of others in the present to challenge negative past experiences.

• Ask for support from friends – ask them to tell you what they like about you or what they think you do well
• Ask someone to just listen whilst you “vent” your feelings for a while without trying to “fix” things
• Ask for a hug
• Ask someone who loves you to remind you that they do and why

Sometimes low self-esteem can feel so painful or difficult to overcome that the help of a therapist or counsellor is needed.

One of the advantages of talking to a therapist or counsellor is that you can say anything
in a confidential environment without being judged or having your feelings dismissed as “silly”.

By www.holistictherapiesspain.com

Stay in tune, with my nex post I’ll set you in front of some Test’s for your brain where you can discover who you are.

There is an ancient Tibetan spiritual and religious discipline called Bon whose belief is that the way we think affects everything we do. They believe that to become emotionally and spiritually rich we need to learn how to think skilfully. They also believe that by understanding and transforming our thoughts it is the key to overcoming one of the biggest obstacles in our lives which is fear.

According to Bon there are 12 types of fear that dominate our lives. We may feel one, several or most of these fears and they can become part of our emotional reality from very early on. Yet we are all capable of living without fear, we just need to be careful with our thoughts and start to examine how we live our lives.

The 12 types of fear are divided into two categories – fears within our minds and fears that come about in the material world that we all experience. It can be difficult to separate one from the other as the two groups often overlap. With self-examination and careful thinking you can recognise your own particular fears and discover the extent to which each of them exists within you.

Fears of the mind

These can bring us confusion, pain and stop us from changing the way we think, feel and act.

1. Fear of being yourself

All the following 11 fears originate from this one. The experience of truly knowing yourself is scary for some people – it is life-changing. By acknowledging and understanding this fear we heal all the others.

2. Fear of other people

Most of us have experience being scared of another person at some point in our lives. Let’s face it, a lot of the violence, terrorism and evil in this world is as a result of countries and religions being scared of other countries and religions! When we are no longer afraid of others we gain love of ourselves and a love of all living creatures.

3. Fear of power & control

All power and control which is not motivated by the best of intentions will always be artificial and this will be a burden to those who use it. Even power and control over yourself will hold you back if you don’t share it with others through lack of kindness and generosity.

4. Fear of love

A lot of people are scared of falling in love especially if they have had a previous bad experience. There are also people who long to be in love yet are worried that they will be rejected once the other person discovers their shortcomings. It’s when you find the courage to love fully that you are participating in life completely.

5. Fear of loneliness

If you are afraid of being on your own it means you have not yet discovered the joy of your own company. To be happy and content around other people you firstly need to be happy and content with yourself.

6. Fear of fear itself

For some people their greatest fear is fear itself! To avoid it they become isolated and lonely and hold back from taking part in life. The Tibetan Bon tradition states this fear of fear is not prompted by any outside factor even if you feel it is.

7. Fear of death & dying

Life is fragile and we all know that nothing lives forever. What we need to change however is our perception that death is a bad thing.
Fears of the material world

These are the fears that stop us from living successfully and harmoniously in our daily lives.

8. Fear of success & failure

Some people are scared of success because not only have their dreams come true but they now have to take responsibility for their success. It is exactly the same for failure – when we fail we have to accept and take responsibility for the loss of our dreams. Some people never allow themselves to succeed or fail so great is their fear of both. The only way to overcome this fear is to try and understand why you need and deserve either your success or your failure. From this understanding comes serenity which is far more valuable than either success or failure.

9. Fear of poverty & wealth

The desire to have a lot of money comes from feeling unsafe in the world whilst the fear of poverty comes from feeling in constant danger. Both situations can create anger for they come from the desire to control the material world. However, it is virtually impossible to change the material world when you are in a state of fear. To heal either fear it is important to understand what you have in the world and why and to learn how to use it skilfully. Poverty can be overcome but if your fear of poverty is driving you to make money it will ultimately cause harm to your personality.

10. Fear of the future & what it will bring

Most of us have moments when we are afraid of what the future may bring. This comes from dissatisfaction and the inability to be content with what we have emotionally and spiritually. We have this fear when we are not fully aware of the value of life that we have now. We need to take time to consider our current life or situation and accept it with all the good and bad aspects. The emotional and spiritual value in our present life is the catalyst for our connection to serenity and once we have this connection the future is nothing to be afraid of.

11. Fear of achievement & self esteem

This fear comes about when we come to believe that achievement and a sense of self esteem are the same thing. People believe that if they achieve more they will raise their self-esteem but at the same time they fear achievement feeling they can’t manage it or cope with it because their self esteem is low. The trick is not to get caught up in this vicious circle. Self esteem is the benefit that you or others will gain from this achievement.

12. Fear of war & illness

Throughout history there has always been war but today the fear of war is more prevalent than it has ever been. This is mainly because TV, radio, newspapers etc are able to bring war into our homes. Years ago this was not the case.

The fear of illness is also on the increase as again we are made aware of the many threats of disease that exist. Yes, in the past people lived shorter lives but they had fewer fears of illness or war because they were not forced to confront them on a daily basis via the media.

By www.holistictherapiesspain.com

Be the change you wish to see in the world - Ghandi

Not out of the door you know the world. Not watching from the window you can see the way of heaven. LAO-TZU

Throughout history it was found that the human mind is capable of two types of knowledge, the first mode is that rational held in high regard in the West, the second is that intuitive which generally exactly the opposite is, and is suitable for the oriental attitude. 

The rational conscience belongs to the field of science and intellect, whose function is to analyze, discriminate, divide, compare, measure and sort into categories.
The rational conscience is a system of abstract concepts and symbols, considering in this way the natural environment as if it were made up of separate parts, and constructs an intellectual map of reality, in which things are reduced to their contours. 
The eastern thought and more generally the mystical thought, provides to the theories of contemporary science an important and coherent philosophical reference:  a conception of the world in which the two key issues are the unity and interdependence of all phenomena, and considers the human as an integral part of this system.

What is relevant to the Eastern mystics is the research of a direct experience of reality that transcends not only the intellectual thought, but also the sensory perception.
The conscience that derives from an experience of this type is called by the Buddhist “absolute consciousness” because it’s not based upon discrimination, abstractions, and classifications of the intellect, which are always relative and approximate. It is as the Buddhists say the direct experience of the absolute essence, undifferentiated, undivided, and indeterminate. (Read more…)

Should someone be looking for good weight loss program I recommend you to see this overview of diet programs for weight loss since even the physical aspect is part of self improvement. Otherwise use Yoga to get fit